Jewish
Black
Italian
Did you hear about the Irish
Kamikaze pilot?
He's on his 15th mission!
What about the Irish woodworm?
Found dead in a brick!
Did you hear about the latest
Irish inventions?
A solar powered torch and a helicopter ejection seat!
What about the Irish man who though Polyfiller was parot food?
How do you confuse an Irish man?
Put him in a barrel and tell him to piss in the corner!
How do you confuse an Irish
labourer?
Put three shovels up against the wall and tell him to take his pick!
Why did the Irish get potatoes
and the Arabs get the oil?
Because the Irish got first choice!
What do you call an Irishman with
half a brain?
Gifted!
What's got an IQ of 200?
Ireland!
Paddy turns to Mick and says, "Mick, do you know you only actually use one third of your brain?". Mick says, "well what do you do with the other half?"
Paddy says to Mick, "I've got some bottles of Guinness in my bag, if you can guess how many are in there you can have them both".
How do you burn an Irish mans
ear?
You call him up when he's doing the ironing!
Why did the Irish man buy a black
and white dog?
Because he thought the license would be cheaper!
How do you get an Irish man on
the roof?
Tell him that drinks are on the house!
Did you hear about
the Jewish Kamikaze pilot?
He crashed his plane in to his brothers scrap yard.
Why do Jews have big noses?
Coz fresh air is free.
How do you identify a Jews house?
Padlocks on the dustbins and toilet roll hanging out to dry.
How do you identify a Jews house
at Christmas?
There's a parking meter on the roof.
Did you hear about the Jewish
Santa Claus?
He comes around at Christmas and asks if anybody wants to buy any presents .
Why do Jewish women like their
men Circumsized?
Because they want twenty percent of everything.
What's the difference between a
Jew and Pizza
A Pizza doean't scream when you put it in the oven!
What's the
definition of everlasting love?
Stevie wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis!
Have you heard about Koo Klux
Kanevil?
They tried to jump 10 black men in a steam roller!
What do the KKK and Steroids have
in common?
They both make black men run faster!
Why do black men eat fried
chicken at weddings?
To keep the flies off the bride!
What do you call a black man with
a bike?
A fucking thief!
Anyone know why you should avoid
hitting a black man on a bicycle with your car or truck?
That bicycle might just be yours!
What do you say to a black man
with a job?
Cheese burger and chips please!
Why do black people smell?
So the blind can hate them as well!
Why did God give black men
Rhythm?
Coz he fucked up their hair, nose and lips!
Why do black men wear platformed
shoes?
To stop their knuckles dragging on the ground!
Why don't black men drive
convertibles?
Coz their lips would slap them to death at 30mph!
Why do black men wear large
brimmed hats?
To stop the pigeons shitting on their bottom lips
Why don't black men climb
mountains?
Coz their lips burst above 2000 feet!
What does it say on the inside of
a black men Lips?
Inflate to 30 PSI!
What do you call a thousand black
men on the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
What do you call 1000 black men
jumping out of an airplane without parachutes?
Cheap Asphalt!
How many black men does it take
to Tarmac your drive way?
Depends on how thin you slice them!
You know what the new definition
for 'mass confusion' is?
Father's Day in Harlem!
Why don't black men have checking
accounts?
Because the banks can't make checkbooks big enough to spraypaint!
If a black man and a white man
run in to a tunnel, who comes out first?
The white man, coz the black man had to stop and spray "Mother Fucker", on the
wall
Why do black men have chickens in
their yards?
To teach their children how to walk!
Why did Adam had to be white?
Have you ever try to take a rib away from a black man!
How do you tell if a black man is
well hung?
You can't get your finger between the rope and his neck!
How long does it take a black
woman to take a crap?
About 9 months!
Why were wheelbarrows invented?
To teach black men to walk on their hind legs!
What do you call a guy surrounded
by five black men?
Coach!
What do you call a guy surrounded
by 300 black men?
Warden
What do you call a guy surrounded
by 3000 black men?
Postmaster General!
Why are there no black men in the
cartoon The Flinstones?
Because they were still monkeys at that time!
What do you get when you cross a
white woman with a black man?
An abortion!
What do you get if you cross a
pig with a black man?
Nothing coz pigs are fussy who they fuck now days!
What do you call a black women
who has had 5 abortions?
A crime stopper!
What do you get if you cross a
black man with a groundhog?
Six more weeks of basketball!
What do you get if you cross a
black man with an octopus?
Something that doesn't look very good but it can sure pick cotton!
What's long, black, curvy, smelly
and shuffles?
The unemployment line!
Why don't black men like blow
jobs?
They don't like any jobs!
Why don't sharks eat black men?
Sharks think black men are whale shit!
Did you hear that the NFL is
going to use green colored leather to make their footballs with next year?
Have you ever heard of a black man dropping a watermelon?
What do get if you put odor
eaters in a pair of black man's shoes?
Half mile down the road you get a gold tooth, a radio, and a pair of tennis shoes!
What's the difference between a
black man's head and a bowling ball?
About the seventh frame the black man's head get squishy!
Why do black men make such good
hurdlers?
Because they are raised to jump turnstiles!
What do you call ten white men on
a black man?
A fair fight!
Did you see the two black men on
"That's Incredible?"
One had a job and the other knew who his father was!
A 200 pound black man and a 250
pound black man jump off a cliff, who hits the ground first?
Who gives a fuck?
Why don't more black man women
become nuns?
They only know one word to use after Mother. And it isn't 'Superior'!
What do they call the Harlem branch of Toys 'R Us? Toys B's We!
What do the Kinney Shoe
Corporation and the United States Post Office have in common?
30,000 black loafers!
What do you call a black man in
court?
Guilty!
what do you call a black man in a
suit?
The defendant!
What is black and brown and looks
good on a black man?
A Doberman!
Why did the black man wear a
tuxedo to his vasectomy?
If he was going to be impotent, he wanted to look impotent!
What is black and white and has
three eyes?
Sammy Davis Jr. and his ex-wife!
do you know why Stevie Wonder is
always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black!
What goes click click click,
"is that it?", click click click, "is that it?"
Stevie Wonder doing a Rubics cube
What do you get when you cross Bo
Derek with a black man?
The ten of spades!
How do you starve a black man?
Hide his food stamps under his work boots!
What do you get when you cross a
black man with a Mexican?
A car theif that's too lazy to steal!
What do you get if you cross a
black man with a Chink?
A car theif that can't drive!
What do you get when you cross a
black man with an ape?
A retarded ape!
How do you keep five black men
from raping a white woman?
Throw them a basketball!
What's the difference between a
black man and a pile of shit?
Eventually the pile of shit turns white and stops smelling!
How do you stop a black man
jumping on your bed?
Put velcro on the ceiling!
Why do they make asprin white?
You want them to work, don't you?
What's the black stuff between an
elephants toes?
Slow black men!
When does a black man become a
Nigger?
When he leaves the room!
What's flexible 14 inches and
hangs around a black asshole?
A stethoscope!
How did black men immigrate to
America?
Two swam across, the rest walked across on the scum!
Hear about the black man who got
his cock stuck in his car's battery?
He was told he had to jump it in order to get the car to start!
What do you call two black
motorcycle cops?
Chocolate CHiPs!
What's the definition of
"yo-yo"?
What you hear when you say "Hey, stupid!" to a couple of black men!
How do you make a black man
nervous?
Take him to an auction!
Why does Alabama have black men
and California have earthquakes?
California had first pick!
What do you call a black Smurf?
A Smigger!
Why don't black babies play in
sandboxes?
Because the cats keep trying to bury them!
Why did they build the bay
bridge?
So the black men could swim over in the shade!
What do you call a famous black
skindiver?
Jacques Custodian!
Why did God create the orgasm?
So black men would know when to stop fucking!
What color is a black man after
he falls of a 20 story building?
Flat Black!
What do you call a thousand black
men burried up to there necks?
Afro-turf!
How do you babysit a black baby?
Wet his lips and stick him to the wall!
Why do black man girls have such
big purses?
To carry their lipstick!
Why do black men make good
Gynecologists?
They are used to big lips, curly hair, and bad breath!
What do black men and pussies
have in common?
Curly hair, big lips and no matter how hard you scrub them five minutes later they still
stink!
Did you hear about the new war
movie in production with an all-star-black man cast?
A PackofLips Now!
What three things can't you give
a black man?
A black eye, a fat lip and a job!
There's a new video game called
Black Man?
It has two big lips that chase watermelons around the screen and gobbles them up for
points!
What do you do with a dead black
man?
Cut off his lips and use them for suitcase handles!
How do black men cheat on tests?
Pull their bottom lip and look at it!
What's clear and lays on the
sidewalk?
A black man with the shit kick out of him!
How many cops do you need to
arrest a black man?
Three, one to handcuff him and two to carry his radio!
What do you get when you cross a
black man and an Irishman?
A leprecoon!
What is a cocoon?
A black man with a stutter!
What do you call a millionaire
industrialist black man?
A tycoon!
What do you get when you cross a
black man and a Jew?
A janitor in a law firm!
Did you hear about the black man
that looked up his family tree?
A gorilla shit on his face!
How many black men does it take
to conduct a funeral?
Seven. Six carry the body box, and one carries the boom box!
What do you call a black man with
no arms?
Trustworthy!
Where can a convention of black
man geniuses be held?
In a phone booth!
Why do they only give black man
work crews half-hour lunch breaks?
The want to avoid having to retrain them!
Why do black man always have sex
on their minds?
Because their pubic hair is on their heads!
Why do black men keep shit in
their wallet?
Identification!
THE ITALIAN WHO WENT TO DETROIT
One day Im'a go to detroit toa bigga hotel inn. Ina morning, I goa down to eata
breakfaste. I tella the waitress I wanna two pissa toast. she brings me only one piss. I
tella her I wanna two piss,
she say you go to toilet. I say, you donna understand, I wanna piss on my plate. She say,
you better not piss on the plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don'ta even know the lady, and she
call me sonna ma bitch.
Latter I go to eata lunch at Draka Restaurant. The waitress bringa me a spoon and knife,
bu no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tella me, everybody wanna fock. I tell her, you
donna understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say, you better not fock on the table,
you sonna ma bitch!!!
So, I gonna back to my room inna hotel, and there is no shit on the bed. I calla the
manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tella me to go to the toilet. I say, you donna
understand, I wanna shit on the bed. He say, you better not shit on the bed you sonna ma
bitch. I go then to checka outa the bigga hotel, and the man at the desk say, "Piece
to you". I say, piss onna you too, you sonna ma bitch, I go back to Italy.